I had this great idea....

about putting a milkshake in a waffle cone coated with chocolate on the inside so it wouldn't get soggy. Seriously, what's better than a chocolate coated waffle cone??? A milkshake inside of a chocolate coated waffle cone! I don't even know if someone already has that idea and is actually doing it or not but I had every intention of giving Ellen Degeneres a call so I could be on her show.

If I were to make a list of things I want to do before I die, being on ellen would definitely be near the top. I feel like Ellen would find that I am a pretty funny person and so she would like me. She would probably like me so much she'd want to do something really nice for me and my poor, small, but absolutely adorable little family. And I would graciously accept =)

I haven't even tried my milkshake idea. I don't know if it works but it would make a good experiment on tv, Ellen, if you ever wanted to have me on to give it a try. By the way, does anyone know of a way I could get Ellen or her people to read my blog?

Ok, enough of that. What is on my mind right now for real is my struggle about leaving Sophie Grace to go back to work. I cry almost daily right now thinking about it. Last night I told Joe as we were falling asleep that I cannot understand why we had her at this timing. For those of you who don't know, she was quite the surprise....we have only been married for 15 months September 28. Don't get me wrong, I would not change a thing. I am so glad we have her and cannot imagine my life without her. What I meant was why would she be born at a time when financially we cannot afford for me to stay home with her. It truly is the desire of my heart and clearly babies need their mothers because we are their food source.

So I pose my question to God. Why? You know my heart better than I do and you know the desires of my heart. Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." I think wanting to stay home with my baby is a godly desire. But then when I read that verse I am struck with conviction. What does it mean to "delight yourself in the LORD?" Am I doing that? Maybe it means that my delight, my joy, comes from seeking to live out His will.

Let me be honest...I'm not so sure I've truly been striving for that for probably the last 2 years. I have so much indifference. I am just here. But I hate my complacency. I am tired and dry and so thirsty for Him. Joe is an amazing man of God and sometimes I fear that I am trying to get my Jesus from him. But I cannot get God from someone else. He desires me and for me to seek Him. Is it TMI to be this real on a blog? I'm not so sure I really care because I feel like it is freeing to confess this sin out loud...