New Blog

www.myquestforjoy.blogspot.com

I couldn't think of anything clever...

and that is why I haven't posted in a few days. Also I am way tired and busy being mommy =) I'm pretty sure that by the time I get home from work in the afternoons I am going to be completely wiped out. Especially since my baby girl decides a few mornings a week that she wants to wake up at 4 or 4:30 instead of sleeping until 6 or 6:30. But maybe I won't mind so much next week when I'm back at work because it means an extra half hour I get to spend with her. She smiles when she hears my voice as I walk into the room and I just love when she stops to look at me while eating and flashes me a smile that sends milk dribbling out of her mouth. And the things I'm saying to her are, "why are you awake right now? we do not wake up at 4am... this is not okay and makes mommy very tired." Sophie Grace just smiles and then how can I truly be upset with that sweet face?

What do I even do all day? Today we took Joe to work and then ran to Babies R Us to get a sun shade for the stroller. When we got home it was time for her to eat again. I uploaded pics and videos to facebook and Sophie Grace was getting mad so I put her to bed. That was like a half hour ago and I am listening to her grunt to break out of her swaddle, still not sleeping, but not fussing either. I am starving so I plan on eating lunch after I post and then I need a shower. This afternoon we babysit for a few hours and then we hang out just the two of us tonight because Joe has class. I mean that's a busy day...seriously. If I didn't waste so much time online I'd probably get to do things like put away the laundry I folded this morning but washed yesterday. Things are a process that usually take days to finish. Same goes for cleaning the house....

So with so much free time but so much busyness I completely overlook the single most important thing in my life. My relationship with Jesus. I hate it. I hate how distracted I let myself be. Couldn't I be engaging in the Word and prayer right now instead of blogging about it? And this amazing man I'm married too is encouraging me daily to read and I guess I do it half the time...maybe. And almost every time I do go to it the baby wakes up an hour before expected or something. It's hard. And I need to quit making excuses. Any moms out there with advice or encouragement about this?

"You won't spend the rest of your lives chasing your own desires, but you will be anxious to do the will of God." ~1 Peter 4:2

Yes! Yes! Yes! This is what I want. I am so thirsty for Him! So what's my problem?

Let me hear a woot, woot!!!

That's right a woot, woot with a little raise the roof action because I buttoned my jeans this morning!!! I am 8 weeks post partum and I buttoned my size 4 jeans =) There really aren't words to describe this happiness. They fit and my husband assures me they do not look too tight or small or whatever (he is a good judge of fashion and I trust his opinion on this 100%). Now I do have to be honest and admit that the tummy is still squishy, but it takes time to tighten ab muscles after they've stretched to accomodate an 8lb baby. Wow...I am so excited!!!

And no dieting or watching what I eat...yet. This is from breast feeding and trying to take a walk every day if we can. We walk 3 or 4 miles. But today, today we will go shopping. I found my coupon on Old Navy Weekly and I have a visa giftcard =)

So I am closing in on one more week before I return to work =( Oh the agony!!!! I do want to state for the record that I love my job. I love being a preschool teacher it is definitely my dream job as crazy as that may seem to some of you. I get so much joy from teaching and caring for little ones. Sometimes I question my sanity for loving the 2 year olds but I do love them (I shrug my shoulders here). They are one month into the school year and so should be well adjusted with no more crying all day but now I am going to be the one crying all day...

I had an encouraging conversation with a good friend yesterday who has just returned to work after having her baby boy. It works out....but maybe not for everyone. I'll just take it one day at a time and seek God for help and direction. My baby girl means so much more to me than any job ever could.

I don't want to end on a whiny note so let's talk about fall. I love it! What a great time of year. I love fall fashion and the leaves changing color and cooler weather and of course football. Isn't it great!?!?! I do miss the leaf part living in Northern California but everything else is still there. If someone were to offer me a trip anywhere in the continental US right now, I would say take me to Blacksburg, VA and get me a ticket to see my Hokies. Oh to be in Lane Stadium again jumping up and down while "Enter Sandman" plays and the team runs through the tunnel. I get chills thinking about it. Especially tomorrow when we play Miami. My brother has season tickets and I am so jealous. Wish I could fly out to be his guest...

One day I am going to take my 2 favs to a game. I'll make Joe a fan and my little girl will most certainly be decked out in a little cheerleader outfit. Her Mimi is sending her one =) Aren't they an adorable pair. Sophie Grace looks just like him. I love it!

I had this great idea....

about putting a milkshake in a waffle cone coated with chocolate on the inside so it wouldn't get soggy. Seriously, what's better than a chocolate coated waffle cone??? A milkshake inside of a chocolate coated waffle cone! I don't even know if someone already has that idea and is actually doing it or not but I had every intention of giving Ellen Degeneres a call so I could be on her show.

If I were to make a list of things I want to do before I die, being on ellen would definitely be near the top. I feel like Ellen would find that I am a pretty funny person and so she would like me. She would probably like me so much she'd want to do something really nice for me and my poor, small, but absolutely adorable little family. And I would graciously accept =)

I haven't even tried my milkshake idea. I don't know if it works but it would make a good experiment on tv, Ellen, if you ever wanted to have me on to give it a try. By the way, does anyone know of a way I could get Ellen or her people to read my blog?

Ok, enough of that. What is on my mind right now for real is my struggle about leaving Sophie Grace to go back to work. I cry almost daily right now thinking about it. Last night I told Joe as we were falling asleep that I cannot understand why we had her at this timing. For those of you who don't know, she was quite the surprise....we have only been married for 15 months September 28. Don't get me wrong, I would not change a thing. I am so glad we have her and cannot imagine my life without her. What I meant was why would she be born at a time when financially we cannot afford for me to stay home with her. It truly is the desire of my heart and clearly babies need their mothers because we are their food source.

So I pose my question to God. Why? You know my heart better than I do and you know the desires of my heart. Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." I think wanting to stay home with my baby is a godly desire. But then when I read that verse I am struck with conviction. What does it mean to "delight yourself in the LORD?" Am I doing that? Maybe it means that my delight, my joy, comes from seeking to live out His will.

Let me be honest...I'm not so sure I've truly been striving for that for probably the last 2 years. I have so much indifference. I am just here. But I hate my complacency. I am tired and dry and so thirsty for Him. Joe is an amazing man of God and sometimes I fear that I am trying to get my Jesus from him. But I cannot get God from someone else. He desires me and for me to seek Him. Is it TMI to be this real on a blog? I'm not so sure I really care because I feel like it is freeing to confess this sin out loud...

I don't know about this blog thing....

But I thought I'd give it a try. This is something new for me and so while my baby naps I'm entering the world of blogging. Who is really going to read this anyway??? I used to be really into journaling so maybe this is a fresh start. I have no idea why I want to take it public. What am I supposed to blog about? Do I want to be super deep and bear my soul to the world or would I rather be witty and charming drawing readers in for quality entertainment (or at least what I think is quality)?





What I really dream about is my blog becoming so popular that I can quit my job and stay home with my baby. You know, like that chic in Julie & Julia or that stay at home mom I saw on Good Morning America. Maybe someone will like what I have to say enough for that to happen. I am definitely laughing at myself for writing this because the reality is only a handful of friends and/or family are going to care enough to read this.





It would be more worth my time to be napping right now. I have to face it, being mom to a 7 week old is hard and I am tired. She has slept 8 or 9 hours the last 3 nights so I don't have much to complain about. Oh wait, only that in 2 weeks I have to go back to work. To a job where I am caring for other people's children and leaving my own. She is going to be with her daddy which is great but my heart is breaking. It's that feeling you get when you just got dumped and you absolutely cannot stand the thought of not being with that person. You just feel like you really are going to go crazy. That's what it feels like to think about leaving this sweet baby girl.

Just look at that face....could she be any cuter?!?!

It is completely against everything in my nature to leave her. I have always wanted to be at home with my babies....ALWAYS. How will I ever make it? I'm really not so sure I can. Joe keeps reminding me that it is only temporary. I know he's right and I really love knowing that I am working to get him through seminary. I want to serve him and this is one way I get to do it right now. He is such a good, caring husband who serves me everyday and so I can do this for him....but he owes me ;)